My wife has a bunch of really attractive friends, and she expects me to never say anything to her about how beautiful they are. Does this seem fair? I love my wife, and just commenting shouldn’t hurt anything, right?

Fast forward a few months: You unexpectedly walk into a bar and see her with her single gal-pals. You’re observing her as you sip your 1st drink. She and a really good looking dude are talking 1-on-1, as her friends are away from them sitting down chatting. She’s flirty, twirling her hair… the guy definitely likes her. Geezus, she’s rolling with this for a long time. Sitting down with the guy? People would think they’re dating or something. WTF?

MORAL OF THE STORY: Both of your reactions are reasonable to not like what the other’s rolling with — as both situations were the same. But when the shoe’s on our other foot — we are naturally going to feel differently about it. We have a built-in bias. When you’re in a relationship, you need to be aware of these internal, natural, reflexive biases — and put them into perspective in order to make correct judgments on if your sig-other really should or shouldn’t like X, Y, or Z.

Your wife claims she loves you. But she’s always talking about how your friends are hot and would love to get ball-banged by some of them, if she were single and does in fantasy sometimes. Would you like that? She’s “just commenting”.

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Alright, so why would her going so [balls] deep into how she loves the idea of getting physical with some of them not be something you want to hear — but her frequently gawking at them be OK? Why would she have to repeatedly say aloud to you that she thinks they’re hot?

Shoe, meet other foot…

You wouldn’t like it. You can think you’d be more OK than you actually would right now, given you’re in the opposite position — but that’s a common psychological fault, since you’re doing the same and are defensive about it.

What are some possible reasons for an unfaithful spouse to not confess their affair to their partner and instead end it without telling them?

You love your wife. So talking about how you always had a crush on her friend Veronica and if you two weren’t married you’d pay money to ball-bang her — you’re just commenting, so that shouldn’t irritate her, right?

She doesn’t want to hear about how hot your hormones think her friends are.

ANALOGY: Your wife unexpectedly shows up at a bar you’re at with some single guy friends, and you’re flirting with a particular girl. You don’t know she’s there, so she’s just observing. This gal’s about you, you’re loving it and rolling with it… hand on her back a bit, talking 1-on-1 for quite a while. This wasn’t the 1st time this type of thing has ever happened.

Why does my ex boyfriend do this?

She confronts you on this and is like “WTH?” and you roll your eyes and you’re like “Honey, geez! I’m not allowed to talk to other girls? Yeah, she’s really cute — so what? Oh, I can’t have my hand brush against her shoulder or somewhere like that? Tie my hands around my back unless the girl’s ugly or something? Come on! Flirting? Fine, I guess, but I love you — it’s nothing. It’s just talking and mingling, so what? You’re being way over sensitive to dislike it on any level…”